A wedding week-end

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.
~ Martin Luther

There have been a handful of big gatherings of my husband's family this year. Two of these were memorial services for beloved family members; this weekend, though, we gathered for the joy of welcoming a new sister-in-law into the fold. It was a joyous celebration, on a yacht in the beautiful San Francisco Bay. My brother-in-law chose a fabulous woman for his new bride, and as an added bonus she has a very dear ten-year-old son. We are very happy to expand the family bond to include such quality people.

As I relaxed for our three-hour ride around the bay (one of my favorite places in the world), I reflected on my family-by-marriage. From the stories I hear from friends, the jokes that are cracked, and the stereotypes of in-laws as outlaws, I have to acknowledge that I am one blessed woman. My in-laws are great; they are truly my family. In a few weeks, we will celebrate our nineteenth wedding anniversary, an anniversary of having in-laws as well as a husband. I always wanted a large family; I grew up with one sister, and that never felt like enough people. When my sister died in a tragic accident almost twelve years ago, the importance of my extended family came rocketing home to me. I will never forget looking out from the podium, where I was speaking at Liz's memorial service, and seeing my mother-in-law, my sister-in-law, my brother-in-law and my niece sitting close to the front of the church. Without speaking a word, they represented the support and stability that their family would continue to provide for us. It was a precious gift at a traumatic time in my life.

My husband and I have struggled along to establish our own family, getting our rhymes and rhythms set, as have each of my husband's siblings. Marriages, remarriages, children born and adopted, relocations, job changes, life-changing crises, and constant personal growth have made the phrase "never a dull moment" seem very appropriate for us. We have much in common, and many, many things NOT in common. We are still in the process of learning how to navigate the potentially choppy waters of differing stances on spiritual matters, politics, the environment, and more, but there is an over-arching attitude of respect, admiration, and enjoyment of each other that I really value. For several years we used to gather in Lake Tahoe for a Christmas celebration. One year there was a communication break-down, and the owners of the cabin where we were gathered showed up to take over their home a day earlier than we expected; the only option was to leave. My husband had been the coordinator, and I listened to him announce that we had to leave and couldn't help wondering how the family would respond. There was not a single complaint or bit of mocking. We packed as quickly as we could, relocated to another spot, and continued the party. It was cut short, we were disappointed, but no one took the time to belittle or embarrass my already horrified husband. My step-father-in-law and I were in awe of the spirit of love and adventure that everyone showed - from oldest to youngest. It was family living at its kindest.

My husband has two older brothers and one younger sister. They are all married to kind, intelligent, caring and interesting people. Their children are equally interesting. My father-in-law, mother-in-law, and step-father-in-law are all the same. My step-father-in-law's daughter and her family are a deeply appreciated part of the group as well. We don't do a great job of staying in touch, but there is one message I have been hearing loud and clear this year: "Start keeping in touch. These are great people, and should not to be taken for granted." Okay, Lord. Admonition noted. We'll do our best, guys!


Our family, filled with joy on wedding day!