Clear:2020

 

My word for 2020 is CLEAR. It seems a bit ironic now, but I am confident it was the right word.

At the end of 2019 I had zero idea of what 2020's word would be. I was sitting in the car one day in December, wondering what to choose, when...and I kid you not...I literally HEARD, "The word for the year is CLEAR." I am not a "I heard the voice of God" person, I don't use language like "I was led" or "I was told." Not saying that is good, just saying that is me. And I am very serious when I tell you I heard a voice tell me the word was CLEAR. I was a little shaken, but I went with it. Not really any choice in the matter at that point, right?

And now it is October and 2020 has been a wild ride. Or is that too much of an understatement? It seems that murky would have been a great word. Chaos. How about Confusion? Or dissention? Cacophony? 

Why Clear?

Maybe I needed to remember that some things are not conditional. Even in the midst of all the nonsense, maybe there can be clarity. 20-20 vision lets us really see things, see people, see  circumstances for what they really are. This is not an easy pursuit, but it is a good one.

When I scribbled out all the ways I can live out the word CLEAR, I came up with:

- CLEAR hillsides (we live in fire danger territory)

- CLEAR thinking, especially about my physical health. My personal work for almost three years has been to get rigorously honest about my food choices, motivation, exercise. I allowed the pandemic to push me back. No more! Honesty requires clear thinking. That's my pursuit.

- CLEAR vision, especially for retirement. Pandemic education has made both of us think about when my husband can retire from public school teaching. Turns out he can at the end of 2023. That Is Soon. Clear vision needed.

- CLEAR focus: relationships that matter, projects that keep me moving in the right direction, new creative pursuits that keep my inner fire burning.

Even though in many ways this is a red shirt year for our plans, I am beginning to understand the reason for CLEAR:2020. With the skies of California filled with smoke, with the news making me weep or cuss or want to kick something, with anxiety rising and hard decisions being made, I want to see clearly, think clearly, choose clearly. The world is not going to stop jolting around to give me time to get my head screwed on straight; I have to find a way to tighten the screws even as I am on the wild ride of 2020. That much is clear. 

Grateful, even for this.