A bridal shower devotional

For a very dear young woman whose bridal shower was tonight:

If you google “Marriage Advice Quotes” you have to be prepared for a whole bunch of attempts at humor that bash the idea of a happily married couple, that assume without question that a long-lasting marriage with faithfulness to another is impossible. It is not impossible. It is hard work, but it is not impossible. And it is the most satisfying kind of hard work you can do! 

Marriage is an intensely personal thing. We know our husbands like no one else knows them: habits, moods, wishes, regrets, sins,giftedness…we get the inside look. And (here is the hard part): they know us better than anyone else does. The trick is to take that knowledge, the beautiful, the difficult, the work in progress, and to really LOVE them, to SERVE them, to be loved and served by them, to know the truth and be faithful because of and in spite of it all. It is a privilege and a responsibility to know someone so well, and to commit to being faithful to them “until death do us part.” 

One of my favorite passages in literature is a scene between a convict and a Catholic priest. It is from Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables. Jean Val Jean is a man who stole bread to feed his starving family, and he was caught, convicted and became a hardened criminal through his years in chains. He was convicted because of a crime committed out of love, but the hardship and the hatred that surrounded him changed him into a frightening man. 

When he is released from prison, he cannot find a place to sleep; his reputation as a criminal is made clear by the papers he is required to show at any inn in which he attempts to stay. Finally a priest allows him to stay in his home, he shows gracious hospitality without fear, he allows him to sleep near the cupboard where the silver is being stored for the night, and he shows no need to protect himself or his property. 

Jean Val Jean steals the silver, and escapes into the night, only to be caught and returned to the priest’s home. When he is brought back, the priest declares that the silver ValJean has stolen was a gift, and that the only problem the priest has is that his guest had not taken the candlesticks also. They are so valuable, and they could be of such use to him in his new life. The stunned police leave, and the priest is left alone with Jean Val Jean. This is what he says to him: 

“Jean Val Jean, my brother, you no longer belong to evil, but to good. It is your soul that I buy from you; I withdraw it from black thoughts and the spirit of perdition, and I give it to God.” 

Now, I don’t think it is our job to BUY another’s soul, but I do think the priest is a beautiful example of love: he knows the criminal and his crimes, but he calls out to man man with love and it changes the man's life. We all need to be reminded of our true identity, our identity in Christ as new creatures, reminded of the fact that God calls us Beloved and that we are clothed in righteousness. It is so easy in the pressures and mess of life to forget who we really are. And as wives we have the privilege of seeing our husbands day in and day out, we really know them in their habits and behaviors, when those things reflect Christ-likeness and when they don’t. But even when they don’t, we know who God says they are. We can remind them of their real identity, LOVE them as the priest loved a hardened criminal, without fear or self-protection. 

1Corinthians 13, the chapter on love, says in verse 7: Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. May you give to one another a love that knows and bears and endures through it all.

My gift to you is these silver candlesticks. I love candlelight: it creates romance, it hides the laundry pile we didn’t quite finish, it softens wrinkles and bad hair days, it creates a soft glow that is beautiful. May the candlelight set the stage for romance, may it create soft light that radiates beauty. And let these candlesticks remind you of Jean Val Jean’s story: may you believe and hope for each other, calling out in each other your true identity as a Son and Daughter of the King. May that bring you great hope and an anticipation that He is doing a great work in each of you, in your marriage, and in your future together.

Overwhelmed by love

I went for a long walk with a friend yesterday. When we got back to the parking lot, she handed me a gift.  It's not my birthday, so why a gift?!?  I opened it and a collection of cards poured out, one embossed with a friend's name...a far away friend this friend does not know. I was confused, and she was smiling wide. Two big envelopes were wrapped in tissue. I opened the first and saw these words:

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are the recipient of an almost all expense paid trip to Kentucky to participate in

the CiRCE INSTITUTE Conference

The Contemplation of Creation

July 18-21, 2012

CiRCE Conference 2012

I cried.  And cried.  And cried.

A group of friends have given me this gift...just because.  I am overwhelmed by their thoughfulness and their generosity.  OVERWHELMED.

I have been in a state of shock ever since.  I am going to CiRCE...I am going to hear Wendell Berry speak...I will meet the ClassEd ladies...I am going to CiRCE...I get to travel with my walking partner.  I AM GOING TO CiRCE.

I am walking around with a dazed look on my face.  If surprise was the goal, I could not be more shocked.  Thank you, dear friends.  I cannot wait for July!



** Added later:  Second envelope had confirmation of my flight to Kentucky.  Sorry to keep you hanging, Alison.

General update

Time is flying... I have been busy thorougly enjoying basketball games here, there and everywhere. The grand finale was a tournament in Southern California. Bren and I took a road trip, traveled via the coast, and had a blast.

We started by driving to Cambria, to the home of a long-time friend of mine. She was my youth group leader back in Los Altos, the one who loved and comforted me, the one who made me laugh during the rough patches of high school. We have stayed in touch, through much joy and sorrow. I loved seeing her again.

We also spent an evening with her daughter-in-law and four granddaughters. Delicious food, a home that radiates peace and purpose and beauty, a quiet hour by the fire trying to catch up on the last ten years...it was a slice of heaven. Bren was introduced to Phase 10 by the girls, and we must go get a pack of those cards soon. He is hooked.

We then made our way to San Luis Obispo, a quaint little town where we had lunch at The Kreuzberg*CA Cafe. You know you are in a college town when your lunch options include the Thomas Mann, Jane Austen or Aristotle sandwiches. We had a long-overdue visit with a young woman whose family we have known since before we got married. Done with college, getting married in July, learning and growing and radiating happiness, she was terrific company. It was a very quick hour but a highlight of the trip.

We headed south down the coast, waving to Gus and Shawn and Jules as we moved through Santa Barbara.  We passed green hills and crashing waves and felt the cool ocean breezes; I had that gut-wrenching feeling I had so many years ago when we decided to move from the coast and live in a more affordable part of California.  I love where I live (I DO!  I DO!)  Oh, but those ocean breezes get me every time (insert Pablo Cruise's Ocean Breeze for the full effect.)

We made our way down the Ventura Freeway, and just in the nick of time we turned east with the rest of the traffic and found ourselves stopped in a concrete jungle.  The L.A. traffic helped me remember(once agan) the empty lanes of Highway 50 near home and how moving to our little hill was  a brilliant idea. 

Naturally, I did spend some time dictating texts for Brennan to send to John.  It went something like this:

Di:  Ventura Highway...
John: in the sunshine...
Di:  Where the days are longer
John: the nights are stronger...

etc. etc.

(America, Ventura Highway, for those who don't know.)

If only I had known last Wednesday what I know now (after googling the lyrics): 

'Cause the free wind is blowin' through your hair

And the days surround your daylight there

Seasons crying no despair

Alligator lizards in the air, in the air

Alligator lizards?  REALLY?  I triple checked, and it's true.  Turns out John knew...but he thought it was "Seasons crying notice there..."

We do love lyrics.  Sorry.

Marriage Handy Hint: the silliness factor can be greatly aided by a common jukebox .

And speaking of texting with John:  he and Claire had a very special trip of their own.  They were in Philadelphia, Gettysburg, and Washington, D.C. for six days.  After eighteen trips with his school's eighth graders, John was finally able to bring one of his own children with him.  They had a blast.  Fortunately for us, their connecting flight home was in San Diego, and they could leave their tour group and head  north to meet us in Riverside.  It was a weekend of basketball that John would have hated to miss.

 
The Norcal Bears played really well.  They had four games, won them all, and they came home with the championship for their age group!  They had to beat two fantastic teams that were undefeated to get there, and they did it!  Both games had opponents that Brennan knew through speech and debate, so there was added excitement for him.  His friends were fantastic players, and it was great to see the battle go strong for all four quarters.  Both games were nail biters, especially the final game; they won the championship game in the last few seconds...by one point!  Our hearts were pounding for hours afterwards.

Bren was honored with the MVP award.  He played so well...we are really proud of him.

After our last game, we sneaked in a quick visit with more friends. another couple who spent time with me as a single woman.  Dear people, one now experiencing early dimentia.  Not an easy calling, but he is deeply loved by a great wife, and he will be taken care of through it all.  God calls us to dark paths sometimes, and I was glad to have a few minutes of heart-to-heart with his wife. 

We had one last stop to see good friends in L.A.  Sipping coffee, feeling the warmth of the morning sunshine, sharing the realities of life...it was a great last stop before we made the long haul home.

By the time we pulled in the driveway, our basketball player had a 103 degree fever, and our car had been the perfect petri dish for those germs to multiply and spread.  We're still coughing, still aching, still exhausted and we have been home for a week.  It's a good thing John had an extra week off this year.  Holy Week has been spent horizontal, hoping for relief and finding it in restless sleep.  I think the worst is over, and I am grateful.

All the coughing and sleeping doesn't diminish the joy of a road trip.  Time alone with my youngest, basketball wins and awards, good friends, lovely destinations, no mishaps.  It was a great week.

The Friday Clive

Is any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of Christian friends by a fire?

Ten2Kenya

 

I have always had small dreams. Simple pleasures, small victories, pebbles splashing in tiny ponds, this has been my realm.  But a handful of years ago I became better acquainted with my now-dear friend Lisa and her family, and at that moment I was pushed into the front row to watch what big dreams, big vision, big faith look like. I have seen them host an annual carnival to serve and love orphans and widows around the world, I have listened as their door has swung open and slammed shut to hundreds of people who come over to swim, to talk, to laugh, to be loved, I have been the recipient of their love and wisdom and frienship.  Lisa and her family do life big and they do it beautifully. 

And now their family of ten is heading to Kenya to live and work with Agape Ministries, expanding their loving arms to children who have been abandoned to life on the streets of the city of Kisumu in western Kenya. Dreaming big becomes dreaming huge when you put the wheels in motion to get eight children and their parents across the world. Plane tickets, immunizations, packing, cleaning out, and harvesting walnuts on their ranch...they are doing amazing work, and they have not even gotten to African soil yet.

When you read Agape's website, it is gut wrenching.  I can't help but stop and ask how I can contribute in my small way.  I knew we had no more money to give this month, but then the request came out for walnut harvest help; I knew we had gas in the car and three of us who could lend a helping hand, so off we went.

By the time we finished our small part on Monday, prayers of thanksgiving had been said for the completion of the harvest and the dozens (and dozens) of hands that had volunteered to help the Kjeldgaards meet their needs.  They leave for Kenya in 43 days, having seen God use so many to make this dream of serving and loving street children come true.

We love you, Kjeldgaards!  

If you would like to be a part of reaching these children on the streets of Kisumu, you can sponsor a child or you can contribute directly to the Kjeldgaard family's trip (click here to read their newsletter and see where to send your donation.)  I can attest to the integrity, work ethic and devotion of this family, and the facts about street children in Kenya attest to the dire need for this ministry to be present in Kisumu.

**Added later:  A direct link for supporting the Kjeldgaards. 

“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27

P.S.  This is also my The Way I See It: Community post.  Being a part of the Kjeldgaard community is a privilege and a blast.  The Way I See It photography prompt comes from Molly at Close to Home.  If you love seeing life through the lens of your camera, join in the fun each week.  Tomorrow's prompt is patience (Lord, have mercy!)

Ulrich Schaffer (1942- ) for Laur

We ask ourselves what is behind it all
and meet the unanswerable a thousand times
and yet continue to be drawn
to the many doors of life.

We hesitate, but want to go on.
We are fearful, but want to learn.
We are timid, but want to be courageous.
We shrink back, and yet want to grow.

We have to take courage and jump.
We have to cut the ropes and set ourselves adrift.
We have to leave the solid ground to learn to swim.
We have to sacrifice our security and take risks.

Then we will experience God as the hand in the abyss,
as the net under the high wire,
as lifeboat on the high seas,
as ground under our feet.

from Surprised by Light, 1980

CiRCE

Every year I go through mental and fiscal gymnastics to see if I can go to the annual CiRCE conference. Every year there is a roadblock; sometimes it's time, sometimes it's money, often it's family needs. This year there was EVERY roadblock possible. It was very obvious I was NOT supposed to attend, even though the topic is one I have been wrestling with deeply for the last three years: What is Man? A Contemplation of the Divine Image.

At least now I can listen to some of the talks.  Want to join me?  You can find the talks online, some free and some for cost:

CiRCE free audio library

2011 CiRCE Conference talks for purchase

A special note:  One of the reasons I was so sorry to miss this year's conference is that my dear friend Marcia Brim (from Brimwood Press) spoke on narrative theology, specifically the Genesis 1-3 text.  We've had conversations on this topic at our annual lunches for the last few years; I would have LOVED to be there to participate in the discussion that was birthed from her talk.  I highly recommend you listen to Teaching Theology through Story.  It can be found in that second link, just scroll down to the end of the list.

I am already looking ahead to 2012...maybe this time the road will be clear. 

A gift of grace

Shortly after we arrived in Cannon Beach for our vacation, my friend Angela came to our room bearing a gift. Little did I know what beauty was wrapped in that simple brown paper.

We only see each other for a week each summer at the conference center, and yet she has prayed for us through my mom's illness and reached out to our family in many thoughtful ways.

But this quilt...oh my! Part of the gift is knowing that the fabric choice and piecing and careful stitching are bathed in prayer. This is a gift of grace to me.

There's no way around the fact that the last two years have been difficult ones, and the last nine months particularly so. Amidst it all, though, there are kind friends, generous gifts and quilted beauty. It really does make a difference.

Thank you, Angela.  Your friendship is a gift to us.

Napa: Phase Three (The foodie details)

The French Laundry, Yountville, California

No, we didn't eat at the French Laundry.  But we did wander around the incredible gardens across the street, and we did some lurking and snooping to see if we could make a Thomas Keller sighting at the afternoon event in the courtyard.  Some say we were unsuccessful, but I think the guy in the blue shirt might have been him.

The next night we made our way back to Yountville, no thanks to the bizarre road construction stops ("No more than fifteen minute wait") at several seemingly random locations on the back roads.  Thanks to clever changing techniques in the back seat, we arrived only ten minutes late for our much-anticipated culinary treat at

- for temporary relief of hunger -

Thomas Keller's family style restaurant is at the other end of Washington Street.  I can't imagine creating the masterpieces that are served so perfectly at The French Laundry, but the food at ad hoc is incredible AND home menu worthy. Highly recommended:  Ad Hoc at Home.  The melted onions are worth the price of the tome.

It was good to have a food enthusiast friend with me.  John loves food, don't get me wrong.  Fortunately for me he considers a timely delivered grilled cheese sandwich to be heaven sent, but the subtleties of pixie mandarins and carnaroli risotto are a little lost on him (although, if the word "garlic" is included, his ears perk up.)   

A four course meal, ad hoc style:


First course:  Salad.

Really tasty roasted garlic (John:  "Garlic?") vinaigrette, and the toasted almonds were perfect.  I wish I knew what was different about them. A piece of tuna (yum!)  There were anchovies.  I ate one.  For the first time in my life (and maybe the last.)  I thought they looked like lizards.  This is not a compliment.  The dressing and the almonds made this a win.







Second course:  Main dish.

Veal with carnaroli risotto, peas and carrots.  Risotto is on my short list of things to learn to cook well.


An extra main dish:  Pork Belly.  The mustardy sauce and pine nuts, combined with such flavorful meat, were the best. 




Third course:  The cheese course.

Leonora ("From the dry, arid hills northwest of Madrid comes this large brick of soft, cakey goat’s milk cheese that will dazzle your palate with bright grass and lemon flavors. The crusty, natural rind makes a beautiful contrast with the pure white interior.")  Served with with cherry compote and crostini, but also with honey that we drizzled on the cheese.

If you are at my next dinner party, expect a cheese course.  It was lovely.






Fourth course:  Dessert.

Slices of chocolate cake and scoops of cinnamon walnut ice cream.  I'm not a great fan of cake or ice cream, but they were good.







An espresso for the driving home garlic lover, and the long-awaited meal was over.  It was a generous gift from dear friends, it was a night to remember.








Lessons learned:
Napa Valley Casual = wear whatever you want.
Anchovies = no thanks.
Cheese course = as often as possible.
ad hoc = temporary relief of hunger and so much more.

"When we eat together, when we set out to do so deliberately, life is better, no matter your circumstances.  Whether it's a sad or difficult time, whether it's an ordinary-seeming day, or whether it's a time of celebration, our lives are enriched when we share meals together."                                                       Thomas Keller, from ad hoc at home. 

Napa: Phase Two

There's no longer any doubt in my mind about the beauty of Napa in the spring.  The vines are bright green, straight and endless and everywhere.  The stone buildings, the dark wood barn doors, the roses lined up at the edge of the fields, the mounds of blooming lavender...it is one gasp of beauty after another.

Wineries are beautiful places, too.  Comfortable seating, gorgeous landscape, friendly smiles and good wine. 

Little did we know when we arrived in Yountville on Thursday that our first stop would be the highlight, the standard to meet, the "you won the lottery" winery of the trip.  Hope and Grace lived up to its name:  Matthew was a gifted tasting guru, the cafe table in the courtyard provided us with seating for long conversation and a selection of unbelievably good wine.  We even enjoyed the companionship of a beautiful winery dog:  Romeo.

 Romeo, waiting for Juliet?

We walked, we sat, we solved problems, we told stories, we commiserated, we rejoiced, we wondered, and we laughed a lot. 

And that is the best kind of beautiful.

We savored the fellowship, down to the very last drop.

Birthday season..last week's celebration first..with a plug for Groupon

Birthday season is upon us, sneaking up on me in the midst of the sadness.  We had made no plans for a very special about-to-be 15-year-old girl, and suddenly the day was around the corner.

Enter the Sunday paper.  Enter the performances listing.  Enter Romeo & Juliet!  An idea was hatched.
 

 

Next up, a friend.  Yep, available.

Next up, tickets.  Enter GROUPON. 

What is Groupon?  From their website:

Groupon negotiates huge discounts—usually 50-90% off—with popular businesses. We send the deals to thousands of subscribers in our free daily email, and we send the businesses a ton of new customers. That's the Groupon magic.

(If you want to join the Groupon fun, see the end of this post.)

My birthday girl and I had already had a fantastic Groupon experience together.  She needed a suit for speech tournaments, and a Groupon offer landed in my email for a $50 gift card to a consignment store in downtown Sacramento.  Cost?  $15.  She got exactly what she wanted for a fraction of the cost.  We love Groupon.

So the morning I was getting on to the computer to buy tickets to Romeo & Juliet there was a Groupon offer for half-off orchestra seats....for the EXACT showing that Claire wanted to attend.  It Was Meant To Be.

It was a very, very, VERY happy birthday.  Two intermissions, gorgeous costumes, beautiful dancing, fantastic sword fighting, question and answer time with the dancers afterwards.  We were waiting outside when two beautiful young women came floating down the stairs after the performance; the birthday girl reported that it was the best birthday party ever.

Love you, Claire Bear. 

May you have many surprises of joy and grace in the coming year, and great deals, too! 

Click here if you would like join Groupon, and that allows me to benefit with a referral fee.  FYI:  You can choose whatever cities you would like as your Groupon cities.  I get daily emails from Sacramento and San Francisco, and I have temporarily added San Diego since I will be visiting that beautiful city for a couple of days in March.  

p.s.  Today's birthday boy's post coming soon.  Hopefully with pictures...I am cameraless at the moment and feel like I am blogging with my creativity tied behind my back.

Added later:  Not sure that the Groupon link is working.  If it is, great.  If not, no worries.  Just join!

T.S. Eliot (1888-1965)

I said to my soul, be still, and let the dark come upon you
Which shall be the darkness of God. As, in a theatre,
The lights are extinguished, for the scene to be changed
With a hollow rumble of wings, with a movement of darkness on darkness,
And we know that the hills and the trees, the distant panorama
And the bold imposing facade are all being rolled away [...]
I said to my soul, be still, and wait without hope
For hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love,
For love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith
But the faith and the love and the hope are all in the waiting.
Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought:
So the darkness shall be the light, and the stillness the dancing.
Whisper of running streams, and winter lightning.
The wild thyme unseen and the wild strawberry,
The laughter in the garden, echoed ecstasy
Not lost, but requiring, pointing to the agony
Of death and birth.

~ T.S. Eliot, No. 2 of the Four Quartets


HT: Dear Juliet.

This circle of breath...

 




 


SEVEN DEER WHILE THE SUN IS SETTING

There is nothing in the world so still
as those deer, half hidden in the grass,
their legs bent like old cornstalks
beneath them on the hill.

They are undisturbed by the weather,
its daylong withholding of light,
the sky that fell and fell across the hills --
the wind its only tether.

In wet grass, in this beginning light,
in the echo of the door I shut too hard
they are motionless and tame.
It does not matter to them that you are not here tonight.

They stare straight toward the western oceans,
this family, this circle of breath, and nothing,
nothing alarms them, not the fierce gold emergence of an
angel, as the long blue horizon opens.

Copyright Ginny Eliason, 1985.  Used by permission.  






 Also by my dear friend Ginny:

 
Letters from Heaven: An Illuminated Alphabet

Mr. 49

My favorite man in the world has now been alive for forty-nine years!

We celebrated yesterday, since working for a living gets in the way of celebrating on a Monday.
Dutch babies - YUMOLA!

And then we took a trip to our favorite winery with dear friends.  

Good wine, good conversation, great friends.  And the rain waited to really pour until we got home!

  

Happy birthday, sweetheart.